can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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