I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
