you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize