I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.