Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
