i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?