New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.