they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's like heaven, but drunker
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny