sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
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did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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