I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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