I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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