Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
