now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
