i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
