hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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