Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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