seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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