sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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