Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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