I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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