On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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