Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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