I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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