you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
