Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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