so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dicks are not precious.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
