Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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