"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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