I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
