I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
