so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
