I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
