Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
