He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
