The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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