I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
