So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
