JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
