Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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