D3 body, D1 cock
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
