i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
