Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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