We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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