Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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