is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
