I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
