How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
