you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Enjoy the penises
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
