the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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