we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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