I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
