At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
