Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
