You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
