I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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