totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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