and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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