college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
