if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize