Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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