All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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