I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
false alarm, still single
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
