I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
