My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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