Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
