So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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