his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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