please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
