he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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